im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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