I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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