I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
organizing the empties. That sober.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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