weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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