we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's official drugs can't kill me
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize