chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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