planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
