Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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