CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
