I showed him my bush... on skype.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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