Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it's like heaven, but drunker
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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