Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
