We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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