just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
