if only i could text you this smell
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
