Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
