Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
