hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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