some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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