I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
