Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
