I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize