so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
