My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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