The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize