Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
