Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize