I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
