my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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