Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
