if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
