Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
