On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize