i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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