I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
