what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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