This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
pop tarts are not kleenex
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
