Me. At least after what I've been through.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
