Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
