I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
