...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
