i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
