You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
