What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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