I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
