Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize