Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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