Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You left your phone here
Wait...
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