I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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