One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
