hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
