Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
