i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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