Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
