Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So squirting runs in the family.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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