god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
