If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
