party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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