She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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