Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
