i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
