I want to stick my p in your. b.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
