the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize