My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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