Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
