Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
