I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize