you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize