A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
