I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
