I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize