some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
