it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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