Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
only you would photoshop your dick
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I touched a dick in church today
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
